Saturday, 29 September 2012


I feel like "a fisher of men". I've cast the net wide and have met many amazing guys. Some I've seen face to face, some, I plan to meet one day, and some I might never meet.

In this intersection of paths, wills, and explorations I've been learning a lot about myself. Seeing who I become around different people, revealing to myself some of my quirks and habits, and ways of behaving around people I've just gotten to know, or have been trying to impress.

I feel as if different people bring out different aspects of my personality and ways of being. My intention and actions always come from a genuine place, and a desire to be as open and honest as possible.

The situation of dating and exploring with different guys is one that I reflect on a lot, and also one that I don't share too often, especially not publicly, as I feel shy/awkward about putting some of these situations/ inner workings of my mind out there, for fear of others' raised eyebrows or judgements.

I'm not into the idea of giving people certain play by plays as I respect the privacy of the gentlemen involved. Rather, its my own general thoughts on the situation(s) I find myself in that I'm more interested in sharing.

Perhaps even that feels weird, as I choose to do this publicly, and there's a real possibility that some involved in my life will get some insight into my inner workings that perhaps I'm not comfortable inviting them into. But at the same time I want to lessen opportunities for manipulation whenever possible, and hide next to nothing. Is that a worthwhile goal, that kind of vulnerability? I think so, though not always sure about wanting it or my reasons for pursuing it.

More to write here, perhaps the addition of some hopeful spin or exclamation, but this'll be it for now :)

Monday, 24 September 2012


I finally decided to take a kind of leap and bring many of my friends, specifically those on facebook into the loop in terms of some of my activities, thoughts, views, and perspectives on myself and my surroundings. There are those who think of me as a private person, but really, I'm simply selective in terms of what I choose to share in various circumstances. True, I've chosen to keep this blog and my tweets public. I have also wanted some small amount of compartmentalization in my life at this time, be it at work, or even in my social life, and because of that, I've decided to create a second facebook account. I know, to those that have decided to shut down or limit their accounts, this must sound horrible :O.

My new profile is connected to my twitter account, but also to my tumblr (my paintings and other creations) and my instagram/statigram account (@hawkshep: daily randomness as well as a look at my growing shoe collection :P). I'm hoping to create facebook specific posts as well in the coming weeks and beyond.

In the last few days I've been a bit overwhelmed in this "coming-out" and sharing process, and wonder whether I'm taking a lot on, in terms of all the online avenues that I want to contribute content to. Reflecting on it though, I'm seeing this "spreading out" as a creation of many options for sharing, no matter what my mood, whatever I might feel like postiing. There'll be a place for all the ten thousand things. :D

Tuesday, 11 September 2012


I've been meaning to put all my pup paintings & photo manipulations in one place for a while, and have created a tumblr for my art-related exhibitionism. Edging towards an adult, NSFW status here :P

fab DOG

Last month, I tweeted that'd I'd taken part in an interview for a fab magazine article by Scott Dagostino. I forgot to post the link here! Check it out :D

Monday, 10 September 2012


It's been too long since my last post. I've been sharing a lot about myself lately though on twitter and been having a blast with that. I keep the company of a lot of openminded guys there, some of whom are porn stars, exhibitionists, kinksters, free spirits, and the like. They've inspired me to share more, and to let go of my desire to hide and censor myself. Not only am I finding myself sharing racier, personal stuff, kinks and secret desires, I'm also seeing the joy in living with more freedom and less shame. I'm celebrating my body and my sexuality. It's an work in progress, just like so many other things, but I feel like I'm definitely going in the right direction. In the coming days I'll be posting some long overdue artwork and maybe a pic or two of me as well. Autumn is coming, and it's time to bring in the harvest, lol.

If you are on twitter, try tweeting #10FactsAboutMe or better still #10DirtyFactsAboutMe. Not only is it liberating, you might find, as I did, that you'll learn something new about yourself :) FUN.